


What We Are

by magicalIdiot



Series: If Aoi was left behind [4]
Category: Zero Escape (Video Games)
Genre: Aoi is bisexual disaster but we knew that, Light is aromantic asexual because I said so, M/M, Mentions/Hints of Depression, Queerplatonic Relationships, rated t for cursing, the two most emotionally constipated characters have a talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-14 14:54:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28922430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magicalIdiot/pseuds/magicalIdiot
Summary: Aoi thinks about his relationship with Light, and what they are to each other.
Relationships: Light Field/Kurashiki Aoi
Series: If Aoi was left behind [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2110935
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	What We Are

**Author's Note:**

> Technically part of a series, but stands alone just fine. Important things to know: Junpei, Akane, Clover, Light, and Aoi live together. Aoi was the one who gave Clover the final push to ask Alice out.

“Hey, Aoi,” Clover says, hanging upside down on the couch. “Would you consider dating my brother?”

Aoi nearly drops the bowl of soup that he’s in the process of placing on the table. “What the fuck?”

“What?” Clover says innocently.

“Where the hell is this coming from?” Aoi says, sitting down so he can eat his dinner. It’s been a really busy day, and he had (accidentally) skipped lunch, so he’s hungry for a change.

“I’ve just been thinking—”

“That was your first mistake.”

Clover throws a pillow in Aoi’s direction, and luckily, it lands short of his chair. “Shut up and let me finish! I was thinking that last time we talked about relationships, you said that you hadn’t thought about it because you were too busy with other stuff. Well, now you have a lot less on your plate.”

“Oh, right, we’re just trying to locate a religious fanatic without anything to go off of. That’s nothing at all,” Aoi says flatly.

“It’s not, for  _ you _ ,” Clover says, sticking out her tongue.

“So, what, you decided the practical solution was to ask me if I would date  _ Light _ ?” Aoi says, giving her a disgusted look.

“Well, I mean, would you?” Clover asks.

Aoi doesn’t want to answer the question that has been on his mind for ten years. He’s always had an excuse to put it off— the Nonary Game needed to be planned, Akane disappeared, Junpei needed his support. Once this religious fanatic was handled, something else would surely pop up, and Aoi could ignore his feelings again, right?

Aoi sighs. “It’s weird to think about. I mean, we’re practically siblings at this point.”

“But you’re not  _ actually _ siblings. You guys have always bickered like a married couple,” Clover points out.

“Well, that’s because he’s an insufferable prick,” Aoi says instinctively. He doesn’t even have to think about it. Insulting Light is second nature to him now, maybe because he’s afraid of what will happen if he cuts through his carefully cultivated wall of thorns.

Aoi has always been a coward.

“Mhm. I’m sure he’d say the same about you, too,” Clover says smugly. She does a backwards somersault off the couch and lands on her feet as if it was as easy as touching her toes. “Well, you should think about it. What you want, I mean.”

Aoi averts his gaze. Damn Clover for seeing right through him.

“Sure,” he says, and he tries not to think about it anymore.

Except it’s not that easy. Now that Clover has planted the thought in his brain, Aoi is even more aware of how his relationship with Light is somewhere between friendship and romance, always pushing the boundaries. Aoi’s always the first to notice when Light is having a bad day, and Light is always the first to force Aoi to take a break. Clover yells at Aoi all the time, of course, but she’ll back off if she can see that he’s having a bad day. Light doesn’t do that. He knows all the ways to get under Aoi’s skin and tear down his facade. And Aoi does the same to Light in return.

How  _ does _ he feel about Light? Aoi doesn’t know.

“Light,” Aoi says one night as they’re both laying down on Light’s bed, relaxing after a long day, “what are we?”

“Human beings, I would think,” Light answers without missing a beat. Aoi jabs him with his elbow. “Ah, did you mean to ask what we are to each other?”

“Fucking asshole, answer the question if you know what I meant,” Aoi snaps.

“Hmm. Do you want us to be something different?” Light asks, because of course he has to answer one question with another. Fuck him. Two can play that game.

“Do you?”

Light frowns. “I don’t think so, no. Is there something wrong with what we are now?”

“No, it’s just. We share a bed. Every night. That’s not… I mean, friends don’t usually do that,” Aoi points out. He’d started sleeping in Light’s room after Junpei and Akane had started dating in earnest, if only because sleeping right outside their bedroom was really fucking weird. He’d learned that sleeping next to Light naturally relaxes him, makes it easier to quiet his racing thoughts.

“Friends don’t normally do that,” Light repeats with a thoughtful expression. “I suppose that is true. Would you like to stop?”

“No, I—” Damn it, he sounds desperate, and based on Light’s smirk, that’s what the asshole wanted. “Fuck you. That’s not what I meant. I just… don’t know where I stand with you.”

“Hmm.” Light pauses, a thoughtful expression on his face. “To be honest, I have never found myself particularly inclined towards romance with anyone. I’ve never quite understood how people fall in love.”

Aoi shrugs. “You just… want to be with them all the time. Looking at them makes you happy. You don’t want that person to be with anyone else. You want to tell them everything.”

“This does not strike me as all too different from friendship, aside from a mutual agreement to devote extra time to one another,” Light says.

“You and your sister are the same fucking person, I swear. She said the same shit when I had this conversation with her,” Aoi says, rolling his eyes.

Light laughs. His laugh is airy, gentle, quiet. It’s one of the most beautiful things in the world. “I suppose something about you compels people to ask you for advice concerning romance.”

“First Clover, then Junpei, then you. Who the hell am  _ I _ supposed to ask?” Aoi grumbles.

“You could ask Akane,” Light suggests with a smirk.

“Hell no. She’s… she has a different idea than I do about what it means to love someone,” Aoi says, trying his best to find the words to explain that he doesn’t particularly want to take advice from someone whose love is so tumultuous and strong.

Light sits up and turns to him. “Given your understanding of love, would you say that your feelings towards me are romantic?”

Aoi has been running away from this question since he first climbed into that lifeboat ten years ago and realized that while he was overwhelmingly relieved to have Akane with him (or devastated that she wasn’t there, it’s hard to remember which experience was real), there was nobody he wanted to share those feelings with more than Light. Light, who had brought all of them together and convinced them to work together. Light, who was eloquent and charming and also a little bit of an asshole.

In kidnapping him again nine years later, Aoi was convinced that he’d burned that bridge, and his feelings along with it. Then, three months later, they’d ended up being his roommates.

“I’m about to be sincere, so you’d better not fucking laugh,” Aoi says, and he doesn’t miss the small smile on Light’s lips for just a moment. “If you laugh, I’m going to go sleep in the fucking kitchen.”

“I won’t laugh,” Light says evenly. Aoi doesn’t believe him worth shit, but he doesn’t have anyone else to talk about this with. Except Clover, but like  _ hell _ is he going to talk to Clover about his feelings towards Light.

Aoi sits up and his gaze drops to the sheets on the bed. Light can’t see him, but that doesn’t mean he can say this shit while looking at Light’s stupid face.

“I’ve always admired you, and I… I wanted to be your friend, back when we first met. It was really hard to walk away from that game knowing I couldn’t talk to you for nine years, and I don’t know  _ why _ . It’s not like I looked at you and immediately wanted to kiss you or anything, but I just… wanted to be around you.”

Light’s normally stoic expression briefly shifts to one of relief, but it’s gone so quickly that Aoi thinks he might be seeing things.

Aoi exhales sharply. “And now we’ve lived together for a year, and I still don’t fucking know how I feel about you. You’re objectively attractive, but it’s not like I want to fuck you or anything. I like being around you, and I can tell there’s a difference when I’m not with you. I don’t  _ want _ you to date someone else, but I don’t think I’d be jealous if you did. So I don’t know.”

“Are you finished?” Light asks.

“Yeah.”

“Can you say that part about me being objectively attractive again, so I can record it?”

Aoi smacks Light’s arm. “Fuck you. I just poured my heart out to you, and that’s  _ all _ you can say? Asshole.”

“Humor is one of your primary coping mechanisms. I thought you might appreciate it,” Light says, pretending to be hurt.  _ Asshole _ . “In any case, I believe that my feelings for you are quite similar. Despite the fact that we had only been in each other’s company for nine hours, you kept crossing my mind in the years that followed. I always wondered if you were doing okay, or if you were still alive, especially since you had no one to take care of you. When I realized who you were, and that you were helping Zero, my first instinct was to be concerned that you had spiraled and were doing everything for revenge.”

“And your second instinct?” Aoi asks.

“I was… relieved. Relieved to know that you were alive,” Light says softly.

Aoi’s glad Light can’t see him, because he’s pretty sure that his face has completely flushed red.

“I admit that eventually, I was angry at you and Akane for forcing Clover and me to relive the worst nine hours of our lives, and on Clover’s birthday, no less. However, I still wanted to reach out to you, to see if you were still the same person who’d fascinated me all those years ago. I’m glad that we found you again so that I had the chance to get the answer I wanted.”

“Did you like the answer you got?” Aoi asks, trying his best to sound unaffected.

“Given that we have continued to live together, and I have not protested once despite your increasingly cruel methods of waking me up in the morning, what do you think?”

“Shut the fuck up. You  _ know _ you wouldn’t wake up without me.”

Light turns away. “You may be correct.”

Is Light…  _ blushing _ ?

Aoi throws his hands up in defeat. “Well, shit. What does that make us?”

“A better question is, what do we want to be? Is there anything about what we are right now that you would change?” Light asks.

Aoi groans and flops backwards onto the bed. “I don’t know! Why the fuck is this so hard?”

Light chuckles and lays down next to Aoi. “We don’t have to figure this out now, you know. If we’re both happy with what we have now, there is no need to change. But to give you an example, would you like more physical intimacy?”

“What, you mean like, cuddling? Hugs?”

“Yes, something like that. It’s hardly instinctive for me to initiate physical touch, but since Junpei and Clover both find it comforting, I have been trying my best with them, and I am happy to do the same for you.”

Aoi isn’t exactly touch-starved, but it’s true that this last year has brought him more hugs than the ten years prior. When his parents died, the only person he regularly interacted with was Akane, and maybe a couple coworkers. He doesn’t forget that people love him in the way that Junpei does, but he isn’t actively aware of it, either. For the longest time, he didn’t have to be, because there was no chance that anyone else  _ would _ love him except Akane.

So yeah, it might be nice to have a reminder every once in a while.

Aoi doesn’t even give his answer verbally before Light has reached out and taken his hand. Light’s hands are made for playing an instrument, with his slender fingers and gentle touches. They used to be much bonier, too, but with Aoi around, Light’s not able to neglect his well-being anymore. Or, not as much, anyway.

Aoi rolls onto his side and presses himself against Light’s side, his head resting on Light’s shoulder. Light’s skin is cold, but Aoi doesn’t mind. Something about this feels  _ right _ .

“I suppose that is a yes, then,” Light says smugly.

“Shut up, asshole,” Aoi mumbles, closing his eyes. 

Light chuckles. “Perhaps it is time for bed.”

“Us, sleeping at a normal time of night? Outrageous,” Aoi says sarcastically. He briefly rolls to the other side of the bed so he can turn off the lamp, the only source of light in the room, before returning to Light’s side. “G’night.”

“Good night, Aoi,” Light says softly, kissing the top of Aoi’s head.

Aoi has never fallen asleep faster.

**Author's Note:**

> I couldn't find a good way to explicitly tie it in to the fic, but Aoi and Light are queerplatonic partners! I guess they haven't really figured that out yet, but they'll get there.


End file.
